The thought of a "Father's Blessing" Is somewhat foreign to me in all honesty.
I will spare you the details of my childhood.. not all bad, some wonderful, yet it was some of these painful moments that impacted my life in such a profound way that I couldn't pin point for years. Until I tried to allow Father God close to me... and I was struggling ..
HOW to ALLOW Father God to BLESS ME? How to ALLOW Father God to LOVE ME?
You see I was the joy of my earthly father. I was a little surprise seven years after my brother's birth. A little blonde haired blue eyed girl... long and skinny! I would sit on my daddy's lap and he'd comb my hair. I'd sit in his lap at the table as he would read house plans. I'd sit in his lap and he'd tell me stories of long ago. But things would change.
But HOW? WHEN? ......................
As an adult I could not put my finger on WHY it was so hard for me to trust GOD. I had a relationship with him and knew HIM as the all powerful GOD. The CREATOR of the UNIVERSE. A God of power and might.. all knowing. Yet, I also assumed I was never good enough, never smart enough, never, never, never would run through my mind with a list of various offenses. I knew that no matter how I excelled I was never enough for God.
Slowly Holy Spirit started to lead me to trust God on a personal level. Small steps at a time. I was so afraid of HIm, His power and His mighty ability to smash me and reject me. HE DIDN'T! As I gave HIM more of myself the more I was able to trust Him, God.
Years later as I sat on the couch of my childhood home. Surrounded by sights and sounds of all things familiar. Mom in the kitchen making pancakes. I could hear speaking from the kitchen and then she rolled her wheel chair into the living room where I was reading my Bible. It was one of those moments that will forever be captured in my memory.
She asked me when I was going back to Israel. She asked me what are you reading? She asked me to pray for her. We started to talk and I shared with her my heart and all that God stirs inside of me and she said "I know". She reached over and laid her hand on my head, brushed the tears from my face and said "I am so proud of you, I know it's hard".
I straightened myself up and I asked her about something that had haunted my dreams for days. I didn't know if it was literally just a dream I would have over and over again or if it was a memory coming back to me from my childhood.
I started to cry. "Mom, I keep having this dream about daddy rejecting me. I keep having this dream over and over again of him pushing me away and one day not loving me anymore"
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and she said, "It wasn't a dream". "One day your daddy and I were fighting and you stood in between us and you wanted to protect me. He looked at you and said "Ol girl, I'm done with you, I don't want anything to do with you anymore." and he didn't. After that he stopped showing you affection or paying you attention."
All the memories came flooding back. I remembered.
I also remembered before my father died standing at his bed. He asked forgiveness for a couple of things from me. He encouraged me and he told me not to stop sharing Jesus. This was the man, the Father I chose to remember. HE was a changed man, a new man. A man that had accepted Jesus as his savior. My Daddy.
I've walked through my past and asked Father God to heal those broken places. I've walked through my past and forgiven my father. I've walked through my past and allowed God to come in slowly, slowly and take rule and reign and to know that all along He has always been with me and HE promised never to leave me nor forsake me. Still today, I have to allow HIM to love me more and more fully. HE is gentle with me. He is forgiving of me and in HIS SIGHT I am beautifully perfect, made to look just like my Father Abba God. He is faithful.
Every day let us ask Holy Spirit to show us our broken parts. Ask Father God to heal them. Ask Jesus to walk with us so that we can allow God to love us fully!
I am sure that if my earthly daddy were here today he would have already blessed me with a Father's Blessing but our time was cut short. This "Father's Blessing" is so sweet and touched my heart and I hope it touches yours!
My prayer for all of us is this today: That we allow GOD to love us so that WE CAN WALK BOLDLY into a WHOLE and wonderful, adventure filled LIFE!